Coming Soon!

A story of LOVE!!!
A tale of HORROR!!!
Living under the disguse of a female country and western singer in Queensland, our hero Opera Man and his loyal latin sidekick, GoiterBoi were being drawn ever closer to their destiny. This time Opera Man and GoiterBoi (the world's only known unplucked Latino Liza impersonator) would catch their quarry. This time JUSTICE would prevail. Stay tuned for the shocking details and romance as Opera Man encounters yet another of his world fam...(O.K. so that may be pushing it...let's forget the world famous part...)of his adventures (too strong?) tantalizing tales (not buying that either?) stories...(ahhh come on!) Okay... as Opera Man encounters yet another of his....uhhh...hmmm....well... Got IT!!!... as Opera Man encounters some time when he wasn't totally asleep.

Fwd this to 20 people in 24 hours... OR!!!!!!

My brother sent the following article to me. I feel that I can now come out of the closet! Yes, I confess that I am a NONFORWARDER! Besides, I never see the special THING all the way at the bottom, even if I have forwarded the 'X and O' angel to everyone in my address book. I have never actually recieved the MILLIONS that my 4th cousin twice removed who was killed in Nigeria after helping the Nigerian Minister of Oil hide 23 million in an account that his family needs me to help transfer to my bank in the United States that we might split it and live in familial bliss. (And I know what you are thinking... but I AM the CLOSEST living relative that they could find in America! Unless, of course, you want to count my parents, who live next door...but the search didn't disclose them. That money is MINE!)

THANKS TO MY E-MAIL FRIENDS...

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat "dodo" in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I want to thank you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor...

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...


P.S. Give me a call. I have been selected to be part of a Forced Matrix MONEY GENERATOR! It is guaranteed RISK FREE! Isn't life GREAT!